3am (This Is About you)

3 AM: wake up for the fourth time,

Shadows from my blinds

Cover bare skin,

The glow of street lights

Making their way in

To illuminate the early morning.

You’re nowhere to be found.

The bed beside me is cold,

Is empty, 

Is devoid of any trace

Of you and me,

Together in its sheets.

It’s 3AM and I can’t get out of my head,

Can’t get you out of my head,

Can’t get up out of my bed,

To think somewhere else.

Part of me wishes you were dead.

Not out of spite or evil

Or wishing you harm,

But because it would make these feelings

Make sense,

Make the loss that weighs on my heart

And pulls me from my slumber

Mean I’m not mad,

Mean I’m not wasting time,

Mean something,

Anything.

3:30AM, I try again.

Try to roll over, try to start over,

Try to close my eyes and imagine

I’m not alone,

Or that I am -

Whatever works for tonight.

Try to imagine a world where you and I

Were never a thing,

Or maybe just a fling,

And we parted ways without heartache,

And without my heart breaking

The way it does.

My mind is alive now, at 3:45AM.

I’m never going to sleep again.

Instead, I’ll wait here in the dark of the morning,

Mourning for what could never be,

Hoping you’d come back to me,

And let me sleep in harmony

Through 3AM.

Instead, I’m here, in this moment,

Where the clocks never reach four,

When the sun doesn’t rise

And the moon doesn’t set

And there’s no escape

From the emptiness left behind.

It’s now 3:59 and I’m running out of time

To close my eyes, to rest and rise,

And stretch, blinking into the sun.

So I’ll get up, get dressed, get ready,

To face another day when it’s just me,

And not you and not us.

This has all been about you.

When will you stop haunting me?

When will you let me sleep again?

When will I be free, be me, be happy?

This has always been about you.

And the coffee I’m stirring at 4:02

Will be about you too.